Ode to the uncertainty of love

I think I am falling in love with you,

And I guess that’s okay.

Slowly and steadily!

I tell myself, "Be cool;

Be strong, be brave and be detached!"

And then I can taste your lips on mine;

The way you eagerly explore my mouth,

The way you bite my lower lip,

The exhilaration in the pain;

And I feel myself fall,

Slowly, watching the blue sky open up over me,

Bathed in the rays of the bursting dawn,

As I fall through pearly white, cottony clouds

And float towards the world.

I think I really like you,

I don't want to, but I guess that’s okay.

I wait for you to text me,

And I worry when you don’t,

Fretting and huffing and puffing,

Wowing to hate you,

And to forget you,

To erase your very existence,

From the landscape of my mind.

And then you say hi,

And I can see your smile,

Warm and guileless,

Innocent like a day old child,

And the dimples that crease your cheeks,

And the way your eyes light up,

And I have already forgiven you

I think I want you,

It's hard to admit but it's okay.

I want to be hard as nails,

Defensive, like I have taught myself to be,

Immune to emotions and pain,

Apathetic and indifferent.

Cold when couples come together at the lips,

And join themselves at their souls.

Cold, as cold as New York on a January morning.

And then I remember the touch of your fingers,

The way they linger,

On the naked skin of my back,

Your lips on my neck,

Setting me on fire,

Your kindness and your urgency,

Your patience and your passion,

The way you said my name,

The way you held my hand,

The way you chained me to your bed, by your side

The weight of your body on mine,

And the comfort of your arms around me,

And the walls of ice I built,

Melt away.

I think I want us to be together,

It’s a long shot, but wishing it, is okay!

I know we live on two ends of this island,

Seems like two ends of the world on gray days and textless hours.

It will be hard,

It might be excruciating,

What with me and my baggage

And you and your past.

But mostly me and my baggage.

But when I think of holding hands,

Walking through the fall leaves in Central Park,

Arms entwined,

Kissing on the terrace of the MET,

Walking through the West village,

Sharing a hot chocolate at Serendipity

Or in my apartment,

Curling up in your soft blanket,

Watching Netflix on your laptop, naked,

It seems worth it.

I don’t know if we are meant to be,

If this is really a thing,

Or just a flash in the pan,

A one night stand,

A blip on my stream of random "romantic" rendezvous!

I don't know if we are going to grow old together,

Live in a ramshackle apartment together,

Or even go out on a date together,

But then I think of you,

And not knowing seems okay.

Taking a chance seems okay.

Deciding to trust seems okay.

Who knows?

Maybe we will be okay!